Suspended in Midair

Love is What Makes Us Crazy

2007-03-24T23:47:00.000-07:00

It's funny how one day you can be hating love. You want everyone who is in love to go jump off a cliff so you can be less miserable without it. Then you fall in love and you think it's absolutely wonderful. And I am one of those people. For months, I sat here bitching to everyone about how loved sucked beyond belief and how lonely I was. But now, I'm in a new relationship and I think it's love and I couldn't be happier. *Sigh* But I don't care. I'm incredibly happy. And usually I try to take it slow with my boyfriends, not kissing them until after at least a week of dating. But this one, he's different. I kissed him the first day we started going out. And it just felt right. He's in love with me and I'm in love with him. It's an unbelievable feeling. I know, I'm a dork but I don't care. Cause when you're in love... Nothing else matters.

Single and Hating It

2006-12-25T23:44:00.000-08:00

Another one of my friend's just got into a relationship. Yay for her! But that leaves me single with my friends all hooking up with someone. Let's see... at least 14 of my friends are hooked up with someone else. And that leaves me. The dog of the group. I've had the worst luck with guys. And no one will ever be interested in me for a long term thing. Remember the post about dating someone you don't really like because you're lonely? Yeah, that's me. A guy's last resort. And I hate feeling so alone. I just hate being the one that's the ugly one of the group. And I just can't help it. It's really sad. But I'm happy for my friends and I want them to be happy. Even if I'm not.

Holding on

2006-12-21T18:14:00.000-08:00

I'm not in the best mood. I was in a fight with my best friend. Some things were said but in the end, we're not gonna end our friendship over it. So I was stupid, things were snapped and I cried, I even sent an angry email to her boyfriend, but our friendship is way stronger than that. And sure, there are bumps in the road of a friendship but giving up is not the answer. With relationships, friends or otherwise, sometimes you just have to hold on.

Something Fake

2006-12-02T18:52:00.000-08:00

Why does realizing you're wrong hurt so much? There is a boy at school that I like. He is one of my good friends and I really like him. But he likes my best friend. They tried dating but she didn't feel that spark. So I've had my friends bugging him to ask me to the winter dance coming up. And I just realized, that I've been stupid. When my friends were upset that a guy they liked didn't like them back, I always told them, "It's better then being in a false relationship." I need to take my own advice. He has been thinking about it for a few weeks and if he still doesn's know, then he must not like me that much. I don't want to have him pressured into asking me. How could I be so stupid? I guess I need to talk to him about it. But it feels bad being this wrong. However, I don't want something fake. So I'm going to go stag with my ex boyfriend since neither one of us have dates. But there are worse things in life.

I'm Back!

2006-12-02T18:42:00.000-08:00

I'm back everyone! Or no one, it depends how you want to look at it. But I'm done with NaNoWriMo now, I didn't make it to 50,000 words. That doesn't matter though, the point is that I did it and I had fun. I'm going to finish the 50,000 words by the end of December. Lots of my friends have read the book and love it. I know it's a long shot but I'm hoping to get it published after I'm done. Bo no one ever got any where without hopes.

NaNoWriMo

2006-10-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited. There is a writing competition called NaNoWriMo. All writers are given 30 days to write 50,000 words. My friend told me about it and I'm gonna participate. I can't start writing the story until November 1st. I can figure out the characters and plots and write an outline but I can't do any writing. My story guides me, I can't really outline it. I won't be updating much, but it's not like anyone really reads this anyways. I'll update soon hopefully.

Stage Crew

2006-10-24T19:52:00.000-07:00

I'm surprised I have enough energy to type. I just finished a day of helping move heavy dressers and stuff liek that on and off the set. Being on stage crew is tiring work. But I guess it's better being on stage crew than not involved in the play at all.

Stalker

2006-10-23T23:20:00.000-07:00

Remember the pathological liar exboyfriend of mine? He showed up on my doorstep the other day. It's a little creepy. He just won't leave me alone and I'm getting freaked. He called me today asking why people were saying he was stalking me. I wonder why... I've tried to be nice to him but I don't know how much more I can take. I was gonna tell him off on the phone this afternoon but then he said that I was pretty much the only friend he had left from our school since he graduated. I feel so bad but I can't keep pretending to be his friend, can I?

Unread

2006-10-22T23:09:00.000-07:00

What's interesting about having an unread blog is the unpredictability factor. You never really know when someone might log on and read your random thoughts. I'm talking to no one but still it's fun having the meaningless ramblings of my mind in the vast universe of cyberspace. I never really know when someone might just stumble upon it. But someone might some day.

Guys Wanted

2006-10-22T20:37:00.000-07:00

Every get so lonely when it comes to love that you'd date someone that you didn't really like? Welcome to the Club. The exboyfriend that I said was a pathological liar is like that for me. I was lonely. He was there. Over a month of my life with him and I never really liked him. When he kissed another girl, it just gave me an excuse to break up with him. My friend actually dated one of my exboyfriends because she was lonely. He had been sweet to her. Luckily she got out of the relationship after two weeks. He wasn't right for her. Sometimes loneliness is cause for stupid things. But that's not always the answer. And maybe after five months, I might get to that point. But after only two weeks of being currently single, I'm not gonna fall for some other guy. I'll have to explain what happened with my last boyfriend later.

Aspiring Actress

2006-10-21T21:53:00.000-07:00

It's hard being an aspiring teenage actress. I've been looking for acting jobs the past hour online. I'm hoping for a paying job since money is tight but I just want to act. One of my ex boyfriends is a pathological liar. One day when I was with him, he kept picking up his cell phone and answering it, saying that he was on the phone with famous actors. The thing was that his phone was never ringing although he was claiming it was on vibrate. I told him that he should set me up with an audition. Then I'll believe he knows those actors. But I'm not holding my breath. So instead of waiting for a phone call that will never come, I'm going to find my own. I found the perfect job online: looking for hundreds of teenagers, paying job, near my city. Unfortunately, the submission date had already passed. Damn my luck. The picture above is from a play I was in two years ago. I look really different in it. But I'm not the one up front. She is actually one of my good friends and a great actress.

This is Me

2006-10-21T10:49:00.000-07:00

This is what I look like, this is who I am. I would've posted this picture in my profile but it is too big and I'm technologically challenged. I just didn't want to choose another picture. I hate the way I look and this is the best picture of me that I have. People are always telling me that I'm pretty and that I shouldn't put myself down. They just don't understand. It's a low self-esteem thing. When you live in a world where being beautiful is everything and you are overweight, then it's hard to keep confidence up. No one understands. The only one that remotely gets me is one of my best friends who also has low self-esteem. But she doesn't need it. She has people constantly telling her that she is gorgeous and she is. If it wasn't for my great family, I'd want to be her.

Falling into my World

2006-10-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

I write. That's what I do. Some people think it's really odd, others understand. The stories I create transfer me into my own world, where I can control everything. Some people may call me a control freak for that but when the rest of my life is in someone else's hands, I want something that I can manage. The only problem is that when my real-life drama happens, I expect everything to happen in a certain way, what people say, what people do. It brings up expectations that never, I repeat, never, happen. Sometimes things are better, somethings are worse. I just have to remember what's real... and what's not.

Floating

2006-10-21T00:47:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I just feel like I'm floating. Everyone else around me is falling. They grab onto me to stay up but end up dragging me down with them. That's just my life. I'm the one that all my friends turn to. I'm the go-to-girl, the special sauce, or the advice giver, whatever you'd like to call me. But the problem with that? I don't have anyone to turn to. So they begin dragging me into their issues and I have to struggle to hold on. I'm too busy dealing with their problems, they don't see mine. And I'm not complaining. I have a great life. Sometimes I just wish that I wouldn't be a meaningless little footnote in their lives. I wish that someone could see me.